So basically this year's series of blogs consist of me constantly complaining about my life. Let's be honest though, getting a job isn't easy. It doesn't help when everyone around me is moving forward in their lives. Quite a few of my friends already have job offers and just need to focus on their exams now. Me, on the other hand, have spent the past five weeks writing four essays and going for various job interviews. I've only just started revising for my exams in a few weeks and I still have job applications to worry about.
I just failed another interview recently. You would think that having been rejected by employers so many times, I would be used to it by now. But, truth be told, it doesn't get any easier handling rejection. In fact,the early rejections didn't hit as hard as the more recent ones. I think it was because I knew that I had time then and still had options. Now, I'm running out of both time and options. It doesn't help that even when I learn from my previous failures, I am still not good enough for people to offer me a job.
I genuinely feel that I haven't achieved anything in my entire final year at university. Last year, I was in a band, running a society and even managed to pull up my average. This year, I've stepped down from all positions of responsibilities, have unsatisfactory results and no job secured for after graduation. Time and time again, I am reminded that effort does not equal to results and it's getting harder and harder to see the point of putting myself through all of this. I could take the easy way out but I know that
For my whole life, I've been doing things that are expected of me. My SPM subjects, my A Level subjects, my degree and now my future career. Much of my life has been tied to my parents' expectations of me and I don't know why I'm finding it so hard to distance myself from their ambitions and work towards my own. Doing what I love to do shouldn't need to be a secret from them but it is and that's not the way it should be. But then, what I think should be, never really become reality.
I guess a positive thing out of all the negativity is my own monthofjiun project which I've recently moved from Soundcloud to Youtube (check it out here). As much as I wish it is more popular than it currently is, I still proud that I've managed to keep it going as long as I have. At least making music makes me happy. At least when I'm doing that, I don't need to think about everything that's going wrong even if just for a moment.
Till next time.
