2013: The World Is Still Alive And Kicking

New Year's Eve is tomorrow. Time passes by so quickly. It only seems like yesterday when I was in college mugging for my A Levels. Now, here I am, in university, far away from home. This year seems like 2 years crammed into one. So much has happened.

The first milestone of the year was finishing my A Levels. A Levels was the first time that I actually took my studies really seriously. I worked my butt off even when my parents don't seem to see it. I am really satisfied with my results even if my parents aren't. I have learned that I'm not living my life for anyone. To me, happiness should be accessible and not that elusive thing people pursue. Everything can bring you happiness, you just need to know where to look.

Second milestone of the year, I got my first job. An internship at a local bank. People were great. Job wasn't too hard. But to be honest, I wasn't happy with my job. This experience showed me that no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't work for the money, not that I was paid a lot. In any case, it was invaluable experience even if it wasn't what I wanted. I do admire people who can work for the money. I can't. But I do appreciate the money I got from it.

Third milestone of the year? Flying off to a place I have never been to before and staying there for the rest of the year. I am not going to lie, this may be the start of the best years of my life. I may not be studying a course that I really want to, but it's been good. So far in university, I have been able to do so much stuff that I would not do if I was back in Malaysia. I guess that's the benefit of not having my parents watching my back every step of the way. I joined the Glee club and no one judged me. I formed a band with some random people I met at a social and played my first gig. I got drunk, puked and no one laughed. I have non-Asian friends. I found that partying is my best stress-reliever. I learned to cook. I saw a fox. I have learned to be myself in front of strangers. I do think that university has brought out a lot in me. Learn to take the leap, you never know where you'll end up.

Milestones aside, it's time to reflect on other aspects of life. Future career-wise? I am definitely much closer if I decide to get a normal job involving banks or accounting (thanks to the internship). In terms of what I really want to do, there's progress but not as much as I would like. Have to work on it. I really admire the people around who are so motivated to get internships and stuff. They know what they want and are working towards it everyday while I am here juggling preparations for 2 different career paths at once. Still no luck in the love department, but I have managed to open up more to people. Maybe next year will my lucky year?

I still do miss home and the people back home. I don't feel like I'm talking to them as much as I should. I feel so distant (literally). I do want to go home. But there is still so much I haven't done yet.

New Year resolutions:
1. Get better at piano. Don't let my bandmates down,
2. Get an acoustic guitar (with my own money) and get my arse down to learning it properly.
3.Apply and get a spring internship or get an internship in a record company.
4. Talk more to people. (I have made progress this year but it could be better.)
5. Ace my first year.
6. Be happy.

Have a happy new year everybody!

YiJiun

Week 14: LATE!!

1. Sorry for the late post. I am writing this on the Monday of Week 15. I only remembered that I haven't updated this blog when I was just about to fall asleep last night. So, here it is.

2. I spent most of the past week in London. (LONDON!!!) Met up with my cousin and a few high school friends. I arrived on Monday just before noon. I was actually supposed to be the last one to arrive on that morning but someone decided to walk all the way from his bus station to my cousin's place, got lost and took 2 hours. So, I wasn't the last to arrive. Anyway, Monday was a terrible day in terms of weather. It was windy and rainy. AND, the wind was so strong that day. The rubbish bins along the roads were filled with broken umbrellas, courtesy of Mr Wind that day.

The highlight of going to London was Boxing Day. For once, I became a shopping enthusiast. I bought a turtleneck shirt thingy, a scarf, a sweater, a pair of pants (from ZARA!), a bag and almost got a Bershka jacket (Why weren't there any smaller sizes?????). Well, there goes my shopping budget for the rest of the year. I also got a care package sent from home (lap cheong!!). I have another care package sitting with my friend in Warwick (yay!).

3. On the way back from London, my train got delayed because of "crew arriving late". When the train was finally ready for boarding, there were tons of people running towards the platform because the previous train for that destination was cancelled. Anyway, I managed to get a seat and fell asleep nearly right away. When I woke up, the train was on its way. Then, the train just stopped at a station and stopped moving. Apparently, another train hit something near the station we were at and all trains were stopped to allow investigation to be carried out. In the end, it was found out that it was a deer which was hit (Poor deer.). That resulted in me only arriving in Coventry 40 minutes past midnight. More than 2 hours late. Sigh. Had to take a cab back to campus.

Signing off,
YiJiun

Week 13: Back in Uni (For Now)

I am finally back from the Czech Republic. I can say that I had a very good time there. The place was beautiful and people were friendly. Even a random Aussie dude who shared a room with my friends and I for 2 nights. That guy really made me want to just go off and travel alone. It seems really interesting. Meeting new people everywhere you go. Not knowing who you'll meet. Maybe I'll do it over spring or summer.

I have to say, the highlight of the trip were the random "truth sessions" that we had. I really learned a lot about my friends and also about myself. We would never know so much about each other had we not gone on this trip together. I will upload the photos of the trip on Facebook later. Lovely trip, really.

Now, I'm back on an empty campus with literally no other people left on my floor. Everybody has gone back for Christmas. I'll be heading down to London again in a few days time for Christmas and to meet up with some high school friends.

I really should be getting started on my 2 essays though. I really didn't think about it when I planned my holidays. I didn't think that the essays would take so much time to do. One of them is actually 100% of the module marks, so I should finish that one properly. The other isn't counted towards the final mark so I'll do that after I finish the first one. Sigh. I'll be taking my laptop down to London to try to do my research if I have any free time.

Till next time,
YIJIUN

Week 12: Off to Prague

This is an early post because I will be leaving for the airport tonight to go to Prague!! Yay!

Spent the past 2 days running around trying to find money changers with my friends because we are lousy planners. Anyway, we cleaned out 2 money changers of the Czech Koruna yesterday in Coventry. Haha. Anyways, I'm really looking forward to going to Prague. I heard that it's very beautiful. Since I'll be going for 9 days, I'll be visiting another 2 towns in the Czech Republic too.

Visited Leamington Spa properly on Sunday. Before this, I had only seen Leamington at night. So Sunday was quite fun. Visited a nice park. Had reasonable Thai food. It was a good day. Expensive though. But if it wasn't so far from campus, I wouldn't mind staying there for my 2nd year.

ANYWAY, see you guys in 9 days!! Bye~~

Week 11: End of Term

It honestly just seems like yesterday that I arrived at Warwick. So weird. Most of my flatmates are leaving for the winter break, so it'll be extremely quiet when I come back from Czech Republic and also after Christmas.

I really had a good time this term and I'm looking forward to the rest of the academic year (not so much to the assignments and exams though). The people that I met here are all so nice and I made so many new friends. I thought that coming to a university with such a big Malaysian population would mean that I'd stick to mostly Malaysians but I actually proved myself wrong. I have made friends with people from so many places that I'm actually impressed with myself. Good job, self (syok sendiri!!!!).

To be honest, academically, I have not done much. So I'll be working through the holidays to finish my two essays and make them as good as I possibly can. I don't want to disappoint myself again.

On non-academic stuff, it has been loads of fun. I joined the Glee club, I joined a band, I went partying, I got drunk. I guess that's quite a good experience of uni life. Next term, I will seriously cut down on partying because it really hurts my wallet sometimes. Only 2 parties max next term. I will do it!

I still cannot believe that my first term at Warwick has already ended. Time passes by so quickly. I haven't even gotten to know so many people properly and now they are going home for Christmas. This is the first year which I won't be going on a vacation with my family but I'll be receiving not one but TWO care packages over Christmas (yay!). I really miss home but I do love Warwick as well. Life is good.

Happy and sleepy,
YiJiun

Week 10: Hmmmm

2 notices of failure came. Not very happy but it was good experience. Better luck next year. Can't wait for the gig tomorrow. :)

It's December already???
Yi Jiun

Week 9: Drunk

I got drunk for the first time in my life last night.

I was supposed to get some work done actually, but I just couldn't. I fell asleep halfway through watching a video. I also fell asleep while writing down notes. So I decided to give myself some time off considering I had a busy week. I had 2 auditions including one for Masters of Show Choir. I also had band practice.

So, I went to a party. Before that, I went to a pre-drinks session. Bad idea. Things started off rather slow. Everybody had some cider. Then subsequently, the vodka and whiskey came out. We were playing a drinking game and I had at least 5 shots of vodka. Since I never gotten drunk before, I didn't know my limits. So I downed a few shots. Finished off a can of cider. Before I even got to the party, I already puked once. Went to the party, danced a bit, then I had to sit down because I didn't feel well. I ended up sleeping for like half an hour. Then I went to the toilet and puked again. But after that I felt much much better. So, to the dance floor! Danced till the party ended. Some people wanted to go to an after party in Coventry but I didn't feel up to it. So I left and met up with some random people I met at the party. Had some noodles and chatted with them. Then I began my lonely trek back to my room. It was so ridiculously cold and I was nearly KO-ed. It was a wonder I managed to even get back to my room in one piece.

Well, everything is well, right? NO! Just a few minutes after I manage to fall asleep, the stupid fire alarm goes off at 4.30am. So it was another 20 minutes of standing in the cold with my flatmates. Anyway, I went back to sleep after that and I woke up at 1pm today. Even now, I feel like shit. Never again will I get drunk. Seriously.

Week 8: What?

This week has honestly been a blur. And it's even because I had a lot to do. I just have no idea what I did this week but I didn't find time to do my work at all. Then when I try to do my work during the weekend, I fail so badly. At this point of time, I'm sort of halfway through a piece of work that I need to finish by tomorrow. And tomorrow, I'll have to finish off 2 pieces of work that is due on Tuesday. Then I'll have Wednesday to do 2 weeks worth of reading because I have to present during a seminar on the following week.

Well, time really flies, doesn't it? My 8th week in the UK is coming to an end. And I can proudly say that in addition to doing what I should be doing, I am also doing what I like to do. Glee is quite fun. Auditions for Masters of Show Choir is next week and I hope I get in. My band is playing in a jam session in about 9 days time. I hope that it'd be as good as the last time. I have to admit though, I am a bit homesick. But that is inevitable.

In the coming week, I decided to prepare all my meals alone. Just to see how I fare. I started yesterday and so far it's been going good although I did manage to ruin my pot. Now I have a stainless steel one. I honestly will never buy any non-stick pot ever again.

Oh oh oh. I actually had a quite interesting night yesterday. I went out to the bar last night but I didn't drink because my throat was killing me. Anyway, 2 of my hallmates and I decided to leave "early" (around 1am) and we didn't take the usual path back and went on sort of an adventure. It was a really interesting walk which involved a lone white lamp among yellow lamps, killing a flower, carrying a random log and climbing over gates. Then we watched an episode of Neverwhere which is just plain weird but it makes me wanna continue watching it because it just so weird.

Bye for now. Life is always lovely. It's always the small things that make me happy.

Signing off with a smile :)
yijiun

Week 7: Early Post

Now that I have sort of fallen behind on my reading, it actually seems more like uni life. Haha. I always imagined uni life to be filled with lots of reading and researching and stuff. And it finally has become what I imagined. I do not necessarily like it but I guess this is the week to settle down and focus on my studies more. Last week was filled with a lot of fun stuff. A band jam session, performance with Glee at the local pub/restaurant, Halloween party. I have done a lot of stuff which I have never done before and I am pretty proud of it.

A lot of my flatmates have reading week and my block was quite empty over the weekend. Many of them went home or went on trips. My neighbor is only returning on Wednesday. I wish I had reading week to catch up on my reading. A couple of assignments also popped up which actually counts towards my first year marks, so I'm trying to get started.

I have to get myself more disciplined. At least for this week. Most of the Malaysians will be gone on Saturday to the Malaysian Games. I'm not going. So, I guess I'll use this opportunity to catch up on my work.

Till next time. :)
Yi Jiun

P.S. I may have a second post coming up this week.

Week 6: Winter is Coming

It's currently late autumn here in the UK. It has been raining a lot and the temperature is dropping. I can't just go out with just a hoodie on top of what I wear now. This year's winter is supposed to be even worse than last year's. I just hope that I am prepared enough.

There is a strike going on today. So all my lectures save one are cancelled. So I am pretty much free today. That is why I'm writing this. I'm trying to update this blog every week. Just as a record of my time here in the UK. I want to be able to relive my life through this blog. That would be cool.

I have been so busy this week. I'm a keyboardist for a band and we performed at a jam night on Monday. Then on the following day, I performed at the Dirty Duck (on-campus pub) with the Glee club. I did a group number and also a solo. I was quite happy with the solo one because I got to perform my own song. The response was quite good, considering it's the first time I performed an original song in public. Although, I should try not to write such dark songs. I don't think people noticed though. Haha.

Till now, I'm still not quite used to how the locals here greet people. They go "You alright?" or "You okay?" or "How are you?" The last one is quite normal. But I still get caught off guard with the first 2. Most of the time I just smile at them unless I remember to open my mouth. I'm actually guilty of adopting their way of saying thanks. It's actually quite fun to say it to the locals.

This post is just a bunch of random stuff thrown together. There isn't even a flow between paragraphs. But I don't freaking care. Byeeeeee.

Week 5: Of Bugs And Talking

You know, those who went to UK and came back all said that they didn't see bugs around. Me? A fly invades my room the first day I move into it. In the following weeks, at least 10 bugs have died in my room because they couldn't get out, including a wasp. Sometimes, I actually feel bad for the bugs. I should stop opening my window. But it gets so stuffy at times.

The weather has been very fickle lately. But today was great. Sunny but not hot. Feels so nice. I hope this sort of weather lasts.

On another unrelated topic, the way people talk around here is really fun to listen to. Haha. You get the locals speaking in British accents with variations (Irish anyone?). Then there are the HK people who speak English like the locals. All of them. It's so weird. Then you have the Malaysians, Singaporeans and Europeans who have their typical accents. It's fun playing around. Like the locals here say "Cheers" as an informal "thank you". And I like to use it sometimes. When I first arrived, I didn't even know why they were saying it until one day, I just woke up and realised that it was their way of thanking people.

I wonder how people back home will react if I just started talking in a British accent when I go home next year. It'd be fun.

Actually enjoying myself better than I thought I would.

Signing off,
YiJiun

Week 3: Me Time

My 3rd week at Warwick is nearly over and it has been so hard to find "me time".

If you didn't know, I'm the type of person who needs some "me time" at least once a week. I didn't have any on the first week. I had like an hour last week. And I'm having one now which I hope will last for at least 2 hours.

For me, "me time" is for me to escape from everything happening around me. A short time when I can just stop interacting with anybody both virtually and physically. Even back home where life was not as fast paced as it is here, I would spend hours just listening to music and staring at the ceiling (and also occasionally falling asleep in the process).

I have been busy with only 2 societies so far. Only 2. And the Malaysian Society hasn't even started doing society stuff yet. I already have a bunch of seminar work that I have to finish. So, yeah, quite busy. I don't think that things will ease up anytime soon. I'll probably have to wait till Christmas break to enjoy more "me time". Till then, I'll just have to be content with 1/2 hour sessions each week.

Cheers from the UK,
YiJIUN

Wash Wash Wash

Okay. I'm surprised at how little time I spend in my room. It's so hard to even find time to write this post.

Warwick has been nice so far. Except the cooking part. Okay, not exactly the cooking part. It's the washing part. I don't understand how a person needs to wash so many things just to cook a simple meal. It's ridiculous.

Today, I wanted to cook instant noodles and fry it together with bacon and egg. But then, I thought of the amount of things I had to wash. Pot, pan, plate, fork, spatula, knife, chopping board. Okay, not so fun. Even breakfast ain't fun. I ate cereal for 3 days in a row and I still had to wash the bowl and spoon.

I have managed to avoid cooking alone so far because I can do a smaller part instead of having to everything myself. The bolognese spaghetti with bacon and mushrooms was actually quite nice, in my opinion.

First real week of the term hasn't been much. No lectures this week. Only induction programs. Lectures will officially start next week. I hope that everything's uphill from here.

Short One From UK

About a week has passed. My first week in Warwick was actually quite nice. Met a lot of people from all over the world (especially Malaysians). It's been a bit crazy. But I'll update again later. I'm tired. Bye.

One Day More

I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm excited. My flight tomorrow night will mark the start of a new chapter and a new story in my life. The past week was like the prologue to it.

I will be moving to live in a new environment halfway across the world for approximately 9 months. That is if I don't stay back during the summer to work or something.

I have been packing my stuff and I didn't realise there were so much stuff that I want to have with me. Of course, there is no way I will be able to bring everything I want with me. So a few things have to be left behind. The hardest thing to leave at home is actually my guitar. I'm not going to lie, I suck at playing the guitar. If I brought it with me, people will probably complain about my guitar playing. But that guitar has helped me write quite a few songs that I am pretty proud of. It has been a better guitar to me than I have been it's owner. Sigh.

I hope that the next 3 years will be good to me. I hope that Warwick will be good home for me. I hope that the people I will meet there will be good to me. I hope that my flight will take off and land safely. And most of all, I hope that I will be good to me and everybody else.

Cherishing the moment,

YiJiun

Why I Write

I like writing. There are 3 things in my life that I love to do most: play music, write music and write stuff (like this post). 2 of those are writing.

Back in secondary school, I loved writing Chinese essays, no matter for homework or for an exam. I loved it because there was always a question that gave me the freedom to use my creativity and not be restrained by a rigid topic like "How to encourage recycling?" like in the BM ones. English essays also had some flexibility in that aspect but a lot of times, I wasn't inspired to write anything awesome.

I remember writing an essay about my grandfather who passed away, writing unusual ways of interpreting an idiom, stuff like that. Coming up with the unexpected and getting rewarded for it was fun. But I never did it to be rewarded, I just liked writing.

I write because it gives me the chance to put my feelings out in the open like this blog post or in my songs. I can write about anything I want to and not be afraid of people zoning out on me like when I'm talking to them. And also, I write better than I talk. So, go figure. Haha.

I write when I feel inspired. I write when I feel down. I write when I feel happy. I write when I feel like I want to. Writing is my hobby and one of my first loves in life. Even before music. It feels good to write. No need to think of a common topic to talk about with someone. Just me. Writing to myself.

I don't know who actually reads this blog. But who cares? I don't. This blog chronicles my life. From that person I was to who I am today. It's all in here. No matter how embarrassing it is, it's out here for the world to see. It's their choice whether or not they want to read it. I like writing.

Signing off with a flourish,
YiJIUN

mixed feelings.

My penultimate working week of my internship has passed with mixed feelings. I hated the first 2 days, didn't mind the next 2 and would have preferred to have done without the last. The first 2 days I hated because I had to do my most dreaded thing, contacting another 70 branches. The next 2 were filled with spontaneous meetings and also some people finally took over my job of contacting the branches. Today was just.....nothing. I basically had nothing to do today but I had fun chatting with the Malay ladies sitting around me.

The weekend will be full of me packing and buying stuff for when I go to the UK. It will also be full of me trying to do everything I want to do before I go to the UK. I'm sure I will miss home when I get there. Sigh.

Next week will be the last week of my internship and also a week of farewells. The trio of farewells will start on Monday when my colleagues will do a small farewell lunch for me and also a welcome lunch for a new colleague. Then skip to Friday and it will be the farewell with all my friends from Seafield. The final one will be with my college classmates.

Mixed feelings this week. Mixed feelings for next week. I don't know how to feel already. I'm excited but scared. Anticipating but fearing. Wanting but not wanting at the same time. It doesn't make sense.

Signing off,
YiJiun

Calling

I have been more unhappy than usual on Thursday and Friday at work. Just because I had to call up a number of people to remind them about something. And it continues on Monday because I couldn't reach quite a few of them.

I have no idea when my fear of calling strangers started but yes, I have an irrational fear of doing so. Wait, now that I think of it, it isn't fear but really a dislike towards calling strangers on the phone. It is totally irrational. Even after I called about 20 people, I still didn't like doing it, nor was I used to it. I kept trying to put it off even though I had no choice but to do it. I'm weird. Or maybe I'm just antisocial.

On Tuesday, my department had a potluck buffet lunch at the pantry. There was a new guy who came in just a few days before and we only met once before. He sat down next to me and (tried to) talked to me. Now, I'm not the most talkative person on normal days. On that day, I was worse. I gave really short answers, didn't even try to keep the conversation going. I basically gave him the cold shoulder. Although, I did try to smile as much as I could. But honestly, I don't think he's going to try to talk to me again.

Sometimes, I wish could be more outgoing and talkative. That would make meeting people and making friends less hard. I'm just a total failure at socializing. Seriously.

Don't Look Back In Anger

Ever since I started my internship, I have been going to work with my brother. He will drive to the LRT station and we will take the LRT. Every morning, we go through the same thing. Jam. Bad drivers. The normal stuff you see in Malaysia. My brother drives every time because he cannot imagine me handling his precious car although I have driven his car many times.

Now, you would think that having to drive the same route for a couple of years, he would be used to the weirdo/crazy/reckless drivers on the road. But clearly, he isn't. Every single morning on a working day, if something happens, like a car just zipping into our lane, out comes a barrage of curses on how lousy and inconsiderate that driver is. Please understand that my brother isn't the most careful of drivers and he can be a hypocrite sometimes. So I don't really understand why he gets so worked up when he does the same thing too. That isn't my point though. I don't get why he would get so angry over such things. He can't change things. It's not like he can just flag down that driver and give a lesson on "Driving 101" (not that he's the perfect person to be giving that talk).

Getting angry is not something I'm used to being nowadays. I have no idea how or when this change happened to me but it's now hard to get me angry about things. It's like one day I woke up and decided, "Hey, it ain't worth shit getting angry over everything." Believe it or not, I was once very short tempered. I blew up at the smallest things. But I'm different now. I actually find it hard to get angry and even when I do, it lasts like 2 minutes and then I'm perfectly okay.

It seems like my level of tolerance has went up like a million percent. In any case, I feel better. There's no more of that bitterness that comes out of being angry. I can live my life with less unnecessary stress. Where I got this optimistic outlook, I have no idea but if it makes life easier for me, why not? Cheers.

My favourite Oasis song of all time.

High Like Shit In The Sky

I am bored and have nothing to do now. That's why I'm writing this post. Because I'm bored.

I don't like working but it seems like it's taking up a lot of my time which would usually be used to aimlessly surf the Internet or just keep refreshing the Facebook homepage (like now). It is also keeping me from watching The Walking Dead too fast. Otherwise, I'll be left with nothing to watch again. I guess that's good.

Oh. Right. My A Levels results came out on Tuesday. Had to ask my friend to check it for me because I did not have internet connection at the office. I have to say, I got what I wanted. My Econs didn't end up as a B. Which is good considering how much I thought was crap ended up on my exam script. Guess it wasn't all crap after all. Maths and Accounts were basically in the bag from the start. Further Maths was a genuine surprise. I didn't think that I'd score as good as I did. I was honestly happy with it. Then I had to spoil it by finding out that 28% of the candidates got an A* for it. But still, it's good enough for me.

Now that my place at the University of Warwick is confirmed, I'm so psyched to go. I wish I could skip straight to September and fly off to the UK. But they say, be careful what you wish for. When I get there, I could probably get homesick. As it is, whenever I go off for a trip overseas to countries in Europe, I tend to start missing Malaysia after a couple of days. Mainly because of the food(lol). So I have no idea how long I'll last in Warwick till I start to be homesick.

I'm hating and loving tomorrow at the same time. Hate because it's the start of another 5 day work week. Love because I get to see Linkin Park live for the first time in my life. By the way, this is the first concert I actually bought tickets to see in my whole life. And my first rock one. I cannot wait. After how much I enjoyed World Stage back in 2010, I hope that tomorrow's concert will be just as good, if not better. Maybe someday I'll be the one on the stage. Haha. But until then, I'll content myself with watching other people do it.

So much to look forward to. A new chapter's going to begin in a month's time. I cannot wait but I will wait patiently and try my best to treasure my moments here at home. So excited. Haha.

Psyched,

YiJiun

On The Road Called Life

The 1st of August marked a new beginning. I started my internship. I was actually quite excited to start. Then the first day was a bit of a letdown because I had practically nothing to do. The following days were slightly better because at least I had stuff to finish. I had a sense of purpose. At least while I was doing the work. When I finish up and think back, I wonder, "Why am I doing this?"

I could be doing nothing at home. No pressure. No deadlines. No responsibility. Now I sound like a spoilt kid. Haha. I had wanted to make use of my so-called "abundance" of free time. Now I regret it. But this is good experience. At least now I know that I'm not really cut out for this type of work. Yeah, I get stuff done on time, usually before it's needed (my supervisor is complaining that I do things too fast and she's running of assignments for me) but I don't get any satisfaction out of it. I'm working like a robot. Doing whatever I'm told to do. Maybe things will get better when I get into managing my big project. I don't know. Let's just see.

Going for this internship ain't cheap though. Everyday I have to either take the LRT or the KTM and it costs about RM3 per trip. Add my lunch and it comes up to about 12 bucks per day. But I have the luxury of working in a month with quite a few public holidays. Like the 4 day Raya break. So it's not that bad. It feels like I'm still underpaid though. My job description actually calls for a university graduate but here I am, a fresh-faced A-Levels student doing it. In any case, I never did this for the money. I don't think about money when I'm working. Benefits of birth?

Sometimes it feels like I'm taking advantage of my parents. I use so much of their money to live my life. The next 3 years will the real kicker. And I'm not even sure I'm going to use that piece of paper I'll get at the end. The small taste of working in a box has me doubting whether I really want to live my life out in a cubicle for the rest of my life.

I won't resign. Not when I haven't even gotten to the main part of the job. I'm not a quitter by nature. I may complain. I may whine. But I don't quit just because the going gets tough. Guess I'm saying all this just to toughen myself up. It's not going to be an easy month. But, hell, I asked for this. I'll do whatever it takes. All in the name of living. God gave me this life, I ain't going down.

Signing off,
YiJiun

Need someone like the Leona in this song right now.

A Cancerian Through And Through

Sometimes I feel so alone. Like I have no one to talk to whenever I need to. Then, I look around me and realise that there are actually people who care but I just can't bring myself to talk to them. I'm so scared of being a nuisance and bothering them.

Now I understand why so many are trying to find that one special person. The one who I can just talk to no matter what time it is. The one who is always there for me. The one who I can rely on. The one who I can live with without a mask.

I get so soppy and think of all these stuff when I feel alone in my bed at night. Now I sound like a little girl asking for a fairytale to happen. But I guess everyone wants something like this at some point of their life. And now I'm going through it.

People ask me. Nobody in college that attracts you? Honestly, no. Not in that special way. Yeah, pretty girls  everywhere but no "heart skipping a beat" and stuff.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have that person in my life.

It's so hard to get myself to fully open myself up to other people. Even to those closest to me. I don't know why I always have to keep a part of me hidden away. It's like I have to keep a wall between myself and everybody else. If one day, somebody manages to break down that wall and come in, then that somebody is special.

Until then, I'll just wallow in self-pity and loneliness.

But understand this, when I smile, I do it for real. When I laugh, I laugh for real. Life's too short not to enjoy the small things that pop up. There are times for sadness and times for happiness. Let the sadness stay in the corner and come out only when I'm alone. When I'm out with people, why not have fun? At least I won't have worries as long as the fun lasts.

Signing off,
Cancerian

First Impressions

People see the house I live in and they immediately think that I'm a rich kid who can get anything I want if I ask.

People look at me and immediately think I'm a nerd who just studies 24/7.

Nobody looks at me and thinks that I can sing.

Nobody looks at me and thinks that I can drink.

Nobody looks at me and thinks that I can play the piano and, to some extent, the guitar.

And there are worse first impressions that I've managed to shake off in recent years. But still it frustrates me when people judge me based on what they see on the outside.

When you get to know me, you'll find out that I'm more than just how I look.

Signing off,

YiJiun

Short One

Well, I've been listening back to the recording and I honestly think it's crap. I guess it won't be going up on Youtube any time soon. I'll be rerecording it and I'll make it better.

To be honest, I've been feeling a little down lately. Like I can't do anything right. But then, life isn't going to be smooth sailing all the way, especially at this stage. I guess I just got to work harder and always remember why I'm doing what I do.

Signing off,
YiJiun

Dreaming

Hey. Finally finalised the Singapore trip with classmates. Met up at Sunway Pyramid, so I dropped by Guitar Collection to buy a capo. I guess I'll be working with my dad this hols, since I'm just too lazy to do anything. I dropped a few emails to a couple of companies but no response still.

Anyway, my demo recording has been delayed a bit because of a sore throat. Although I've recovered but my voice still sounds a bit gravelly. In any case, I'll be uploading the audio for my song to Youtube within the next few days, so look out for it. But there's a bit of a problem. For some reason, when I use Movie Maker, there's no sound for the video. Weird. I'll try to sort out the problem and upload the audio. It will include super awesome artwork made by my friend. So excited.

Oh, and I had a super cool dream last night. I only remember some parts but it was so awesome. I dreamt that I was on this adventure thingy with Aragorn and Faramir (don't ask, I'm baffled too). I had this sword and magic powers (LOL!). So, we were like going through this tunnel place where only one person could pass at a time, so we were walking in a single file. Then suddenly, something happened, boom boom boom, then Aragorn was gone and Faramir was leading. Fast forward to no idea when, Faramir, some weird seer lady and me were at a table eating. Then the lady got a vision and then Saruman somehow took control of her and I had to stop it using some hocus-pocus, then I woke up. Super childish dream, but it was awesome while it lasted. Haha. At least it's better than the dreams I use to have with the Xenomorph or T-Rex chasing me. I wonder why my dreams are so childish? But they're awesome and they don't need to make sense.

My holidays have been basically a waste so far. Hopefully it'll become more productive as time goes on. Till next time. Bye. ;)

Done

I can't believe that it's finally over. It feels so good now that the prolonged suffering has ended. Now that A Levels has finally ended for me. I now have about 3 months (give or take a few weeks) of free time. So, I decided that this break will be used as a chance for me to do things that I've always wanted to do and also to do up some things that I need to before going off to the UK.

I've planned out a few things and I think I might be trying to bite off more than I can chew but who knows till I try? Anyway, I already have quite a number of things that I need to finish off this week itself, like:

1. Write a resume.
2. Apply for internships.
3. Research on banks and phone network providers in the UK. (Forced on unexpectedly by Mum.)
4. Take my 1119 cert from school.
5. Finalise class trip.
6. Get ready for PROM!!
7. Record the second track for my demo (if possible).

Sounds like a bit. And that's not all. That's just for this week. Here's my to-do list for the rest of month:

1. Finish demo.
2. Compile every single song I've ever written into a book and make a soft copy of every song.
3. Volunteer at a dog shelter? (maybe)
4. TB test for UK visa.
5. Renew passport.
6. Change IC.
7. Finish watching Game of Thrones and the first season of The Walking Dead.

And here's the rest:

1. Internship/Temporary job.
2. Learn to play barre chords on the guitar.

That's quite a number of things. Hopefully I can finish everything. Cheers to no studying for 3 months.

Signing off,

Freeeeeeeeeeeee

P.S. I want a capo for my guitar. Birthday is at the end of this month. *notsosubtlehint* *wink wink*

I'm Still Alive

Good morning, people. At least, it's morning when I'm typing this, not necessarily morning when you read this. In that case, good day, people. I really should be studying considering that I have an exam in less than 24 hours but laziness strikes again.

Well, the thing about the exams this time is that I'm thinking a lot about my preferred career path (just to avoid thinking of exams) and I've started on a couple of personal projects that could possibly help me achieve it. In addition, I've taken to trying to produce full tracks using rather unconventional methods, although I've only just started, I just realised that suddenly independently producing a whole album on my own is actually remotely possible.

Previously, I thought that it was impossible because I didn't have the equipment, I didn't know how to play a variety of instruments required to make a full track, I didn't have money to record it, etc. Recently, I realised that it was all excuses I made for myself because I found a rather unconventional but effective way to record songs. AND IT WON'T COST ME A SINGLE CENT! That's the best part. I always thought that I would need some serious moolah to go into the studio and record stuff. And even then I'd need a sound engineer to help me put the tracks together. Now, with help of Mr Google, free software off the net, a camera and my lousy old laptop, I can actually put together a whole song.

This will take quite some time. Probably coming out to a couple of months. But it's all worth it. I haven't given up on dreams yet. There's still hope y'all. Hope anybody who reads this doesn't give on their dreams too. :)

Motivated,
YiJiun

P.S. Lately I've been thinking of maybe adopting an English name and the name Hadrian keeps popping into my mind. No idea why but it attracts me for some reason. But, in any case, I still find it weird if people called me by another name other than my birth name. So, I will most probably just stick to my own name. Maybe I'll use it as a stage name. Haha.

Reality?

Have been thinking alot about my future and honestly, I'm extremely scared but excited. Future as in everything after A2.

I'm actually very excited about going off to the UK to study even though I might not like what I'm studying. Still, the prospect of just flying off and living on my own in a foreign place is thrilling but scary at the same time. Of course, that's provided I can achieve the grades I need. Not that it's a huge problem but the standard I set for myself is way above the level I need to achieve. Sometimes I wish that I don't set such high expectations of myself because I just give myself more stress. Then again, stress is good for building character, right?

My future also includes my future after university and that's the worst part because I have no idea what career I want to pursue (excluding, you know, that thing). Well, ideally, I would be signed to a record label but that is just as remote as me becoming a millionaire tomorrow. But, still, I have been doing some research on that and every single piece of advice is to have a demo to distribute to labels or random people involved in the industry. Sounds easy enough but recording a demo requires some moolah and I don't have much of that (my parents' money isn't mine, FYI). Well, I've been thinking of alternative way to do it and I might have come up with one although I haven't tested it yet. Well, that'll be my first personal project during the holidays after A2 exams.

Still wondering whether or not to perform during prom. Auditions are next Monday and I do not have much time left to make a decision. The thing is, if I want to perform, it'd be best if somebody could accompany me on guitar but I don't really want to distract people from their studies. What a dilemma. I guess I could play the guitar myself but I suck at it and I am not at my best singing while playing the guitar.

This couple of months will be one heck of a ride. Mostly because I got to persevere and make myself study for A2. I honestly just lost all motivation to study after trials. The holiday was such a momentum-bummer.

Back to the books? Bye for now. :)

what????

It's April Fool's Day and I am not happy. I'm serious. So depressed. All because I was unable to do a Further Maths paper. I can seriously go die. A2 in less than two months. Just kill me please.

:)

Cousin got an offer from LSE :D

Happy for her but still quite jealous, hahaha. Oh well, she has always been better than me in more ways than one and she deserves it. I actually heard that her dad doesn't want her to go to LSE (lol?) because it doesn't have a proper campus. Well, my parents will definitely NOT do that if I was the one who got the offer.

Well, that reminds me. When I told my mum the news, she started going on about how my cousin is so good. Then I started to get bitter because all this while, my mum has always been using my cousin to pressure me to work harder and stuff, blah blah blah. Then, as I thought more about it, I actually realised that the idea of me getting into LSE wasn't actually mine, but my mum's. I didn't realise it, but I was actually working towards my mum's dreams for me and not mine. I was just attracted to the idea of living in London and not the university. No wonder I didn't feel much when I received news of the rejection. Guess it's time for me to stop living my parents dreams huh?

I'm currently trying to decide on which university to put as my firm choice on UCAS. Bath or Warwick? Honestly, I'm leaning more towards Bath but my dad clearly wants me to go to Warwick. But the thing is that the requirements for both universities are so similar that I'm scared if I choose both as my and insurance choice, I might end up not qualifying for both. Well, hopefully that will not happen but who knows?

2 papers down the road in trials and I didn't think that I did as well as I would've liked in both papers. Just means that I have more work to do. I'm looking forward to the 3 month break after A Levels. But I don't want to let go of college life so fast either. Time just flies way too fast. Sigh.

back to the books,
yijiun

Failure again? *smile*

Heyyo!!! Just realised that I haven't updated my blog in a long time. And also, my application just got rejected by the famous LSE.

To be honest, I wasn't that affected by the result because I expected it. I mean, it would be awesome to be accepted into LSE but LSE is the best and I have never been lucky with the best stuff. And another I realised, I always fall short whenever I really want something. So depressing isn't it?

The news just got me thinking back on why I had wanted to get into LSE in the first place. The reason is basically that I wanted my backup plan to be the best ever. The second reason is basically because I wanted to live in London. I've been to London and I thought it was a great place. It's easy to get around, Broadway, etc.  But, well, it wasn't meant to be but I still have the second best choice. :)

Well, I still cannot see a future with me being an accountant. That is why I have never definitely told my parents or anybody else that I will become one. Hopefully in the UK I'll get the chance to chase my dreams and maybe even make it come true. Hopefully.

Anyway, now I'm focusing alot on my studies. I'm studying harder than I have ever studied in the past. I think it's because there's so little preparation time. Trials are in a few weeks time and finals are in May. I need to do my best to make sure my place in Warwick doesn't fly away like my chance to study at LSE.

I've been focusing so much on my studies that I haven't done the video that I wanted to do. I did say in the description of my previous video that I will put up a video. But I just couldn't find the time to do it. Studies have taken over so much of life that I don't even have time for music. I haven't written a full song in the past few months, it's been months since I touched my guitar and even longer since I played the piano.

I guess I just gotta soldier on until A2 is over. Then I'll get a well deserved break. Till next time. Bye.

Signing off,
YiJiun

Les Mis

Managed to catch Les Miserables last Saturday. I have to say, it is nice to finally watch a musical that I have heard so much about and is so famous. The storyline is simple enough to understand (go wiki it). The songs are good. The acting is good. The singing, um, is average?

Personally, besides Anne Hathaway who did an amazing job playing Fantine and also singing the most iconic song from the musical, the other actors gave great ACTING performances but singing, not so great. Let's start with Hugh Jackman. Playing the main character, he has the most screen time and the most parts to sing (most solos too). My issue with him is, while he can sing, his voice falters when it gets to the higher notes. Note that I said "higher". Higher as in, higher than usual. His voice lacks the power I would like to hear in some parts but then in other parts his voice does quite well actually (these are few though).

Next up, Russell Crowe. He suits his part unbelievably well, even his voice sounds the part. His voice is deep and throaty and then comes his solo on the roof. He does remarkably well in the first 20 seconds but as the song goes on, I can't help but feel that his voice should have a tad bit of dynamic. He manages to sing in the same way for every single song. I did not feel any ups or downs and it was a bit of a flat roller coaster ride. In addition, I felt that the backing music overwhelms his voice at times. In his solo on top of the roof, the song is supposed to be grand (I think) but as he reaches the final note, which I pretty much expected to go considerably higher to end the song with a bang, it doesn't.  It pretty much leaves me hanging and wondering whether the producers should have gotten a proper singer to do the job.

Anne Hathaway, was very much in a league of her own in this movie. She manages to portray Fantine with the right emotions and when it comes to her solo of "I Dreamed a Dream", she just shines. Through the song, she channels the pain and suffering like no other rendition of the song that I have heard. Pure perfection. No other words need to be said.

Enough of the singing, let's talk about the movie itself. The most heartbreaking moment in the movie was, in fact, not Fantine's death but actually Gavroche's. When he was shot down, I was so angry at the soldiers. In my head, I was going, "How could you??????" Hate and love that scene so much. Hate because Gavroche dies and love because that scene could evoke such emotion in me.

There's one issue that I have with the camera in this movie. When the actors have a solo singing part, I realised that the camera is always giving the audience a close up of the actor's face. This probably happens like 90% of the time. Isn't there any other way to film it?

Despite the film's shortcomings (all my opinions, don't shoot me), it is still a decent movie although I wouldn't recommend watching it unless you're interested in this sort of thing. My brother came home complaining about how boring it is while I didn't think that it was boring at all.

Anyway, a new semester in college will start tomorrow and the rush to finish the A2 syllabus will start again. Hope that it will be a new beginning of sorts this year because honestly, the year hasn't started for me yet. Till we meet again.

Signing off,
YiJiun