On The Road Called Life

The 1st of August marked a new beginning. I started my internship. I was actually quite excited to start. Then the first day was a bit of a letdown because I had practically nothing to do. The following days were slightly better because at least I had stuff to finish. I had a sense of purpose. At least while I was doing the work. When I finish up and think back, I wonder, "Why am I doing this?"

I could be doing nothing at home. No pressure. No deadlines. No responsibility. Now I sound like a spoilt kid. Haha. I had wanted to make use of my so-called "abundance" of free time. Now I regret it. But this is good experience. At least now I know that I'm not really cut out for this type of work. Yeah, I get stuff done on time, usually before it's needed (my supervisor is complaining that I do things too fast and she's running of assignments for me) but I don't get any satisfaction out of it. I'm working like a robot. Doing whatever I'm told to do. Maybe things will get better when I get into managing my big project. I don't know. Let's just see.

Going for this internship ain't cheap though. Everyday I have to either take the LRT or the KTM and it costs about RM3 per trip. Add my lunch and it comes up to about 12 bucks per day. But I have the luxury of working in a month with quite a few public holidays. Like the 4 day Raya break. So it's not that bad. It feels like I'm still underpaid though. My job description actually calls for a university graduate but here I am, a fresh-faced A-Levels student doing it. In any case, I never did this for the money. I don't think about money when I'm working. Benefits of birth?

Sometimes it feels like I'm taking advantage of my parents. I use so much of their money to live my life. The next 3 years will the real kicker. And I'm not even sure I'm going to use that piece of paper I'll get at the end. The small taste of working in a box has me doubting whether I really want to live my life out in a cubicle for the rest of my life.

I won't resign. Not when I haven't even gotten to the main part of the job. I'm not a quitter by nature. I may complain. I may whine. But I don't quit just because the going gets tough. Guess I'm saying all this just to toughen myself up. It's not going to be an easy month. But, hell, I asked for this. I'll do whatever it takes. All in the name of living. God gave me this life, I ain't going down.

Signing off,
YiJiun

Need someone like the Leona in this song right now.