Sometimes I feel so alone. Like I have no one to talk to whenever I need to. Then, I look around me and realise that there are actually people who care but I just can't bring myself to talk to them. I'm so scared of being a nuisance and bothering them.
Now I understand why so many are trying to find that one special person. The one who I can just talk to no matter what time it is. The one who is always there for me. The one who I can rely on. The one who I can live with without a mask.
I get so soppy and think of all these stuff when I feel alone in my bed at night. Now I sound like a little girl asking for a fairytale to happen. But I guess everyone wants something like this at some point of their life. And now I'm going through it.
People ask me. Nobody in college that attracts you? Honestly, no. Not in that special way. Yeah, pretty girls everywhere but no "heart skipping a beat" and stuff.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have that person in my life.
It's so hard to get myself to fully open myself up to other people. Even to those closest to me. I don't know why I always have to keep a part of me hidden away. It's like I have to keep a wall between myself and everybody else. If one day, somebody manages to break down that wall and come in, then that somebody is special.
Until then, I'll just wallow in self-pity and loneliness.
But understand this, when I smile, I do it for real. When I laugh, I laugh for real. Life's too short not to enjoy the small things that pop up. There are times for sadness and times for happiness. Let the sadness stay in the corner and come out only when I'm alone. When I'm out with people, why not have fun? At least I won't have worries as long as the fun lasts.
Signing off,
Cancerian
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