I did not intend to reference the Twenty One Pilots song in the title (it's really good though, go listen to it) but I guess it is sort of fitting. The past month has been a ridiculous string of events that have left me stressed out for prolonged periods of time. There has been moments when I have managed to escape it for a bit but that only lasted a few days.
First bout of stress came in the form of the two assignments that I had to submit at the start of the new term. I worked my butt off for both but I know for a fact that one of them is just a bit shit. Arguments were not coherent not consistent. If I get a good mark, I would be genuinely surprised and treat myself to a ridiculously meal. The other one was received a lot better than I thought it would be. Just before the deadline, I completely lost faith in what I thought was a good idea at first. I didn't have time to make up a new creative project, so I just went with it. Before the panel discussion for the piece, I showed the piece to a few of my friends and got some good feedback. That was the same for during the panel discussion which really surprised. Someone even suggested that I should get it published although I'm sure she was just being nice. Maybe I'll publish it on here once I get the marks back. (Sometime while I was working on my assignments, I got the marks back for another assignment and it was terrible by my standards, so that certainly didn't help with the stress.)
I got a few days of rest from the previous two weeks of stress after the panel discussion. I somehow managed to get a free ticket to go see The Shires and The Corrs to review the show. I don't I have mentioned here before, which is super weird since I've been really excited about it - I am actually writing for the music section of an entertainment website called Outloud!Culture. You can read my review of the show on there. I'll just drop the link here. It's actually my most popular article so far on the site and I''m super happy about it.
After a few days of trying not to stress out over anything (I even went on a night out for once!), I went back to getting work done. I didn't realise at first but I managed to give myself four group assignments this term. Not ideal. It's really worrying me but hopefully I'll manage without breaking down. It's not just doing uni work that is stressing me out though. I still do not have a job at the moment and I haven't been getting any news from the companies which have yet to reject my application. That really isn't helping. I just put in a couple more applications today but honestly bad news is better than radio silence because I'd be able to plan my days better.
Today hasn't been a terribly good day. Not much reason other than I woke up on the wrong side of bed probably. I have been really critical and sensitive today partly because I was waiting for news that never came. One thing in particular really annoyed me today. Normally, I would just dismiss it as trivial but today was the wrong day for this to come up really. What happened? Someone asked for my full name and email address without providing a reason. That was actually a few days ago but I didn't bother because no one gave a reason for me to. Then, there was a reminder today. So I asked what it was for. Guess what the answer was? "Just for admin purposes." Literally not an answer in my books. So I asked for what admin purposes and haven't gotten a response since.
I don't understand how "admin purposes" can be considered a legit reason to request my personal information. Granted, it is just my full name and email address which I do give out to websites on a regular basis but at least those website have dodgy privacy policies which I never read. I was quite pissed that the person thought that "admin purposes" was a reasonable response. I could have just replied with whatever was on my mind at that moment and it would be terribly unpleasant but I restrained myself and gave a less unpleasant response but I think it was still quite obvious I was annoyed.
Sorry for going off on a weird rant there. Probably doesn't even make sense. Honestly though, I attribute my general unpleasantness these few days to stress. I am not in the place that I imagined I would be currently. If everything went to plan, I would have a job right now and all I have to do is focus on uni work. I am still trying my best and aiming to graduate with a first although that seems quite distant considering my less than satisfactory marks so far in the year. I doubt that I will achieve a first but one can dream. Still getting a graduate job and being able to stay in the UK is the priority for now.
For all it's worth, my Soundcloud project is going decently. It's not amazing. I'm not pulling hundreds of plays everyday but I like what I'm doing and maybe other people will like it too. I posted the January cover about two weeks ago and it has pulled in more plays in that period than my other covers have in the same which is encouraging. Is this a sign of growth? I don't know. I won't put my bets on it surely. I just hope that one day my music will take off in some way. I'll leave the cover below for you to listen and judge.
Hopefully I'll be in a better place the next time I update this blog.
Signing off,
Jiun
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